I realized, that all the while I've been merely distracting myself from the 'inevitable', yet the 'inevitable' might not have been inevitable if i had not distracted myself from 'itself'.

You have no idea how much regretful I am. Leave something for something else, only to discover that you don't want that something else, which in this case, is/was a distraction, and bracing yourself for the inevitable when the 'inevitable' was not so... yes, you get it.

FML